Floating Bi-OH!

There are more openly bi people in 2025 than there were openly LGBT people in 2017!*

I wrote a memoir about an infamous murder - well, I thought I wrote a memoir.

Turns out, it’s a bio - more specifically, a Bi-OH!

It seems there is no limit to the number of true crime stories the general public finds fascinating, entertaining, and in some strange way even relaxing - bedtime stories. Based on the media ratings, if a story starts with any version of “Her smile lit up a room…,” audiences know that she will be dead before the first commercial break and the rest of the hour will be devoted to solving the crime and - spoiler alert - it’s almost always one of the “usual suspects” (the boyfriend/husband/relative or business associate) that did it and typically for one of the usual reasons (love or money). As the story of my father’s murder case unfolded (he was the murderer), it became clear that is was something very different. His case literally went from tabloid to textbook. One look at my father’s brain scans, and it becomes clear immediately that there are factors at play in this case that are far from typical. That's why his case is very famous in the criminal justice system, and why so many books, articles, podcasts, lectures, and the like have focused on it.

People asked me lots of questions in 1991 when this happened and during the years the case went through the court system, often before I had the answers myself. I tried to answer all of those in my book - Full Frontal Murder Memoir: A Daughter Reveals the True Story Behind the Shocking Crime That Went From Tabloid to Textbook and Will Change the Way You See Blame and Brains. It’s the place where true crime aficionados and law students, now and in the future, can go to read what really happened, not just what the court documents say and speculation from people who, despite having never met him, make quite a bit of money talking about him and why he presumably killed my stepmother. After I published the book, I expected readers to ask me questions about my father, my family and stepfamily relationships, human behavior, the criminal justice system, and especially fascinating brain disorders - things I dove deep into in the book.

I got some of those kinds of questions, but by far, my readers wanted to know more about this one particular thing - something I mentioned only tangentially in my book:

“Joni, that time you hooked up with that woman artist in the bathroom…”

I mentioned that when I was 18 years old and enjoying a party that turned out to be the best one I have ever been to in my life (still to this day), I hooked up with another woman, also an artist, while we were surrounded by mannequins in a bathroom (the apartment was full of unexpected surprises and lots of mannequins due to the fact that the main tenants were drag queens). It didn’t matter whether I’d known them for five months or five decades, seems I was the first person many of my readers ever felt comfortable or safe discussing their same sex attraction with, and holy glitter bombs, did they want to talk about it! I didn’t get any questions about bisexuality from any of my male friends or readers, and that’s something I will explore in a future post later in this series, but man-oh-man, women had questions!

My texts, DMs, and phone calls were overflowing with questions and comments like these:

You have questions! I have answers!

This is a ginormous topic, and it requires multiple posts to do it justice, not just one - hmmm, sounds oddly bi! So be sure to subscribe to Joyful Queer!

Bisexuality is an expansive and controversial topic and for many people (including me), a very personal one. The lived experiences of bisexual people are extremely varied. That said, there are some challenges and benefits that are common to many bisexuals to the point of becoming stereotypes. This is the first in a series of Floating Bi posts that will discuss bisexuality from multiple angles, including some you probably never thought about even if you are bi!

I’m calling it My Floating Bi-OH! 🤣

I’m starting with this list of facts about bisexuality, as I understand it, from my point of view as a bisexual woman in her 60s. Before we go any further, I realize, right off the bat, there are people who do not accept these as facts, and I will explore various points of view in the series.

🌈 What Bisexuality Is:

• Attraction to More Than One Gender: A bisexual person can be attracted to their own gender and other genders.
• Valid and Complete: Bisexuality is a full identity, not a phase or a stepping stone.
• A Spectrum: It can include different experiences of attraction, from strong preferences to equal attraction across genders.
• Fluid: Some bisexual people experience shifts in their attractions over time, which is natural and normal.
• Part of the LGBTQ+ Community: Bisexuality has a rich history and community within the larger queer movement.
• Real and Present: Bisexuality exists even when someone is in a relationship with one gender—identity isn't determined by a partner.
• A Source of Joy: Embracing bisexuality can be freeing, empowering, and deeply fulfilling.

🚫 What Bisexuality Isn't:

• Not Just a Phase: It’s not a temporary state on the way to being gay or straight.
• Not Confusion: Bisexuality isn’t about not knowing who you are—it’s about knowing your truth, even if it doesn’t fit neatly into a box.
• Not Greedy or Indecisive: Attraction to more than one gender isn’t about wanting everyone or being unable to choose.
• Not Defined by Behavior: You don’t need to have had experiences with multiple genders to identify as bisexual.
• Not Erased by Relationships: A bisexual person in a same-gender or different-gender relationship is still bisexual.
• Not Halfway to Anything: It’s not a mix of gay and straight—it’s a full, vibrant identity on its own.
• Not Automatically Polyamorous: While some bisexual people are polyamorous, many are not—just like any other sexual orientation.

Gallup - the global analytics and advisory firm best known for its public opinion polling on social, political, and cultural issues, recently (February 2025) released important new data about Americans' Self-Identification as Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Something Other Than Heterosexual, 2012-2024. Through their surveys, Gallup tracks how many people identify as LGBTQ+ and offers a snapshot of changing demographics within the queer community.

* https://news.gallup.com/poll/656708/lgbtq-identification-rises.aspx

There is a lot to explore in this new data. Over the course of several posts,  I will break it down and make it easy to understand as we look at the big picture of bisexuality by the numbers. I will also take a close-up look at my own personal experiences as a bisexual woman, and the lived experiences of other bisexual women as well as discuss the issues specific to bisexual men.

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